Those Lost Years
by LittleWonderland
Summary: "Everything's gone. Vanished, disappeared, lost. Everything I loved, everything I owned, everything that made up my world is now gone." The side stories to one of my fanfics, Pain can lead to Love. I'd suggest that you read that story before reading this, but there is nothing stopping you from reading this anyway. Oh well! Read and review and I swear I'll love you forever :) xx
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone!  
Ok, so I've been kinda struggling with some of my fanfics lately, I can't seem to focus on the right things. I've been meaning to work on 'Pain can lead to love' especially but my mind is stuck on irrelevant bits and pieces that don't quite fit in with the storyline.  
So I decided to work on a whole bunch of side stories for now.  
Also, if you've read 'Pain can lead to love', review or PM me something you would like explained from that story and I'll be happy to oblige. Oh and these stories are mainly a collection of one-shots, explanations told in a story format and different points of view.  
Hope you enjoy~!**

* * *

_Those Lost Years: The side stories to 'Pain Can Lead To Love'._

* * *

1: Gray's Haunting Past

Gone.

Everything's gone. Vanished, disappeared, lost. Everything I loved, everything I owned, everything that made up my world is now gone.

My mother and father...  
I don't even know what happened to them. One minute they were leaving the house, waving good bye with huge, happy smiles lighting up their faces. The next, a mysterious man was knocking on my door.

I didn't know what to do since Mum always told us not to answer to the door for anyone but them when they were out, but my idiot brother Lyon didn't care much for the rules of our household and decided to open the door anyway.

The man wore a dark coat and tattered black jeans; his dark blue hair was loose and slightly scruffy. He looked strange to me but his eyes seemed caring and kind. He smiled a sad but non-threatening smile at me before entering.

He told us his name was Macao before guiding Lyon and I into the lounge room and asking us to take a seat.

"Boys, it is with great displeasure that I have to inform you of such a tragic event but..." He paused, and braced himself for our reactions, "Your parents won't be coming home tonight."

He bowed his head in sorrow but neither Lyon or I could figure out what he was talking about.

"Are they going away on a business trip, sir?" I asked since my parents were prone to flying off to places due to work at the last minute.

"No, that's not what I meant little one." The man looked almost as if he was in pain.

Confused, I looked over towards Lyon to see if he knew what the stranger was talking about.

Different emotions danced across his face. Shock, anger, pain. I didn't understand why he looked so upset.

But then it dawned on me.

"No... You don't mean..." I trailed off, unable to even finish such a sentence. If I said it out loud, that would make our situation so much more real.

"I'm afraid so. Your parents were shopping for groceries when it all happened. They had lined up at the register when a bunch of men wearing masks barged in holding guns and shouting. They went up to the lady at the register and pointed a gun to her head, telling her to give them all the money. Your parents were brave and tried to save that lady. Unfortunately this meant their demise."

I could feel myself shaking. I couldn't really understand a lot of the words he used, but I knew my parents were dead. They were never coming back.

Numbness had seized my body and I found myself unable to move. I could feel the tears sliding down my pale cheeks, my mouth hanging open in pure shock. I wanted to run. Run as far away as I possibly could and get away from this disaster that had unfolded in a matter of minutes.

I wanted to scream until my throat was sore and my voice was hoarse, I wanted to punch this man in the face for being the bearer of our bad news. But no matter what I wanted to do in this horrific moment, I simply could not move. I was in complete and utter shock.

Lyon however did not cry, nor was he frozen in surprise and panic as I was. He just sat there, the corners of his mouth dipping downward into a frown. His dark eyes were blank and emotionless. I couldn't read him. He was expressionless, motionless, lifeless.

I watched as he stood up, took two trembling steps towards the stranger, his fists clenched and shaking. His grit his teeth and it seemed as though he was trying to fight something within himself.

I didn't know what to think anymore. I dropped to my knees and cried. I cried as hard as I could then harder. The never ending stream of tears cascaded down my sorrowful face, dripping from my chip and dampening the carpeted floor below.

"Lyon..." I whispered, seeking the help and support of my brother.

But it was of no use, Lyon wasn't listening anymore. His eyes had widened and his mouth formed an 'o' as what had happened truly began to sink int. Then, without warning, the silver haired boy dropped to the ground, fainting from the overwhelming pain and grief of losing what we held dearest.

* * *

"Gray please, won't you come out of your room? It's been two weeks and you've barely eaten anything. You need to get some food into your system if you want to stay healthy." The cool, feminine voice drifted down the long hallway.

I could see the shadow of her slim form appear through the crack at the bottom of the closed door. She knocked a few times before speaking, "Gray? Please, I know I'm not your mother but I do know that it can't be good for you to stay locked away in your room like that. We're all worried about you, please, come eat with us."

"Go away..." I whispered so softly I was sure she wouldn't hear me. However, the stiffening of her posture told me otherwise.

"Maybe you'll listen if Lyon talks to you." She muttered, slowly retreating in search of my silver haired brother.

Having Lyon talk to me wouldn't work. This woman, Ur, had tried almost everything. I still just wanted to stay here in the comfort of my own room and never come out. Here I was safe, here I was warm, here the tragedy that was my parent's recent death could only touch me in my dreams. But if I had to go out there it would all change.

I was no longer in my own home. Lyon and I had been carted off to a friend of my mothers and we were to stay here and grow up. Until I completed my schooling years, this was the place I had to stay. Here, with Ur and her daughter Ultear.

I felt so out of place, I didn't belong here in this place with these people. Lyon seemed to get on just fine. It had only been two weeks, the funeral for our parents was still fresh in my mind yet my brother acted as if they had never existed. Ur was his new mother and Ultear, his new sister. Nowadays, he doesn't even acknowledge me.

"Gray, get out here." That all too familiar voice calls out to me.

I refuse to obey Lyon's commanding tone and pulling the covers up to my chin, effectively burying my face in the soft cotton sheets.

Suddenly light floods the room and I cringe.

My silver haired brother is standing in the door way with his hand on the light switch. My darkness has evaporated and I instantly feel uncomfortable. I'd almost become completely used to being in the dark these last two weeks, so to be forced into a room full of light was enough to make my eyes burn.

I burrow right down into the covers so that from the outside, all you can see is a small, child sized lump under the duvet. I do not want to see my brother right now. I don't want to see or speak to anyone at all. I just want to stay here, curled up in a ball in the darkness and die.

It's too painful to live without my parents. How are you supposed to deal with life in general when your mum and dad are no longer there to say good night when you go to bed? When they can't drive you to school every morning, when you can no longer wake up on a Saturday morning and realise that you're parents have made you your favourite breakfast. No more good bye kisses, no more warm hugs, no more perfect love.

They were gone, everything was gone, I was lost.

"Get up! Get up! Get up!" Lyon shakes me hard before snatching away the duvet, exposing my body to the cool air of the world outside my nest of blankets. With the warmth of the covers gone I give a little shiver.

The silver haired boy before me frowns, showing no signs of mercy as he yanks me up by the collar of my shirt, pulling my face uncomfortably close to his own.

"Ur and Ultear are worried sick out you, Gray! They've been so damn kind to take us into their home. They give us food, clothes, shelter, everything we could possibly need. Yes, mum and dad are gone and that's going to take years to recover from this but you can't just drag other people down with you in your downward spiral. It's just plain selfish!" He's spitting in my face with every word he says and I have the urge to wipe my face, but his last sentence snaps me out of a trance.

I'm being selfish.

This makes me realise just how much of a burden I really am. I've been so focused on myself that I haven't even taken the time to consider the feelings of Ur or Ultear or even Lyon.

Ur has let us into her home and provides us with everything we need. She was already looking after her teenage daughter when she allowed two young boys at the age of 6 and 7 into her home.

Ultear would probably be better off without having us here to distract her from her studies, well Lyon is the distracting on, I stay in my room all day.

And that leads me to my brother. He's trying to be tough, holding his head high and refusing to shed a single tear because he wants to be strong for the both of us. There may only be a year between us but he's already so much more mature. He knows the hard work Ur puts into looking after us, he knows that Ultear stops working on her assignment that's due the next day just to try and coax me out of my room. I guess that's why I'm the younger brother. I don't understand nearly as much about our situation as Lyon does.

I began to sob, quietly at first, then louder and louder until my throat was horse and raw, "Onii-chan!" I cried out, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

I was wailing with all my might, tears streaming down my face as I hunched over, pulling my knees to my chest. I felt a warm hand on my head, ruffling my hair.  
I looked up to see my one and only silver haired brother smiling down at me. He pat my head several times before backing out of the room, "Be brave little brother, you won't always be able to rely on other people..."

* * *

It's been 10 years since my parent's death.

Lyon and I stand over their graves, placing a bouquet in front of each of their tombstones. As usual, I am balling my eyes out whilst Lyon stands there, strong and tall. He never cries on this day, or at least, I never see him crying.

We depart silently from the graves and make our way further down to a newer part of the cemetery. I place the last bouquet against the tombstone, a bundle of pure white lilies, her most favourite flowers.

It's been about 5 years now since she died and I still miss her just as much as I miss my parents.

"Have a lovely day... Ur." I whisper as I stand up to face my brother.

Unable to control my emotions I hurl myself at Lyon's chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt, soaking it with my seemingly never ending stream of tears.

Reluctantly, he places a hand atop my head and ruffles my hair.

I know it annoys him to have a sixteen year old boy reduce himself to a blubbering mess right in front of him, but honestly, I'm too far gone to car.

Over the course of 10 years I've lost both of my parents, my mother figure and Lucy, my best friend. Now all I have left is a brother who secretly despises me and rows upon rows of scars lining my wrist and forearm.

This world that once seemed so pure and perfect has been shattered to make way for a life full of self destruction, pain and loneliness.

Nothing will ever be the same as it was back then, when I was happy and carefree. Because everything has vanished, joy is no longer an emotion that I feel and I am ever falling into a bottomless pit of despair and anxiety.

There is no one here to save me, no one. Because no one cares about me anymore. And I honestly can't blame them.

I am worthless...

* * *

**Well there we have it, the first chapter of the side stories. I know, that was really quite depressing now wasn't it? No flames please!  
Next chapter is going to be about Juvia and unrequited love, look forward to it!  
Thanks for reading everyone and don't forget to leave a review :)**

**Wonder-chan / LW xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to update guys but it feels like school has pretty much taken over my life right now :/  
It's ok though, holidays are here so I'm hoping to get a lot more updates done.  
Ok, I won't keep you's waiting any longer, here's the second chapter~!**

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2: Juvia's Pain

'_My love for you was bulletproof, but you're the one who shot me.'_

_Bulletproof Love, Pierce the Veil._

* * *

There was a certain excitement displayed in her voice, it bothered me quite a lot. I felt my brows furrow and the corners of my mouth slip downwards into a frown. Her happiness was over flowing from her being; her big brown eyes were alight and sparkling with joy. It was almost frustrating to see her in this euphoric state.

All she would do is talk about Gray-sama and how perfect he was and all the adorable little things they did together. Why is it that Gray-sama has replaced me with such a childish person? We're in our last year of middle school now, we'll be high schoolers next year yet here she is, grinning like a stupid child and drooling over my precious Gray-sama.

I didn't approve of this at all. She was taking my love away from me. Gray-sama and I don't spend as much time together as we used to. Ever since she came along, he's been paying more and more attention to her. Not even caring about my feelings. All he cares about now is her. Lucy.  
But I suppose I can see the appeal...

Those big, doe-like brown eyes that sparkle whenever he comes near her, the shiny golden hair, soft to touch and tied in perfect twin-tails on top of her perfect head. She's cute with a loving personality. She gets along so easily with everyone and nobody bats an eye lash if she does something wrong.  
I wonder... Why is it that everyone seems to favour her so much?

Was it because her father was so utterly rich and they were all hoping to get close enough to Lucy that she would be willing to shower them in gifts? That seemed a bit farfetched. Besides, I knew that my friends weren't those kind of people, especially Gray-sama. He would never do something as ghastly as that.

Yet it seemed as though his attention was drifting further and further away from me and becoming a lot more focused on Lucy, to the point where he no longer seemed interested in me at all.

In the beginning Gray-sama had been the one chasing after me, always ready to tend to my every need and was happy in doing so. Simply because he liked being around me and my smile seemed to make him joyful.

We had grown quite close over the past few years, so close that one day after school; Gray-sama had pulled me aside and kissed me behind the lockers. A soft, gentle kiss. The kind only he was capable of giving.

Over the years I had kissed many different boys in an attempt to find a lover who kissed as sweetly as the raven haired boy did. And I was tragically unsuccessful.

I finally settled down with Lyon in my sophomore year of high school. His kisses were rather intense, passionate and always left me feeling dizzy with bliss.

And although he didn't kiss quite as sweetly or as softly as Gray-sama did, Lyon was the one who helped me to finally get over him.

He helped me to forgive his brother and move on with my life, allowing me to once again find pleasure in my daily life.

However, just because I forgave him doesn't necessarily mean that I forgot the pain Gray-sama caused me.

After kissing me and knocking my world off its axis, Gray forgot all about me the moment Lucy showed up.

Granted, I never really found the courage to tell him how I truly felt about him after that incident. And it was due to that moment of hesitation that Lucy swooped in, unaware of what she was doing to me, and stole Gray-sama away from me.

I crossed the line and screamed my heart out at my dark haired crush, uncaring at how confused and upset he became after my outburst.

I didn't know that he took it so directly to heart that he slashed his wrists because of what I said.

Still I never apologised and I continue to cause Gray-sama, Lucy and myself pain.

But by the end of middle school, the childish blonde girl was gone.

Her father had dragged her away to another town after the death of her mother.

I had almost felt sorry for her when she was shoved into the car by a pair of her dads servants and started to cry so loudly I was sure the whole town could hear her sobs. And when she pressed her hands against the back window of the car, calling to Gray-sama and the rest of our friends, telling them how much she would miss them and how sorry she was for having to leave us behind, I had to turn away so I would start crying myself.

I later regretted how I pushed her away when she went to hug me goodbye on that immensely depressing day. It made me furious with myself when she opted for a shy smile and an awkward pat on the arm since I wouldn't allow her to embrace me.

I suppose I was able to get over it quickly upon the realisation that Lucy was gone and I now had Gray-sama all to myself.

I spent the majority of my freshman year trying to get him to like he use to. I hung around him all the time, talked him for hours on end whilst ignoring love proclamations from Lyon the entire year.

I realised that if I hadn't changed my attitude at the end of that first year of high school, I'd probably still be drooling over my boyfriends brother, lost in my own little fantasy world, filled with day dreams about my non-existent future with Gray-sama.

But then the end of freshman year came... Finding out that Cana, Lucy, Gajeel, Levy and Lisanna had all been involved in a car crash. Not knowing if everything was going to work out for those 5 close friends of mine from middle school... It was quite terrifying.

* * *

_Lyon was grinning at me like the idiot he was. A stupid, love-struck look in his eyes as he made his way over to me from the other side of the classroom.  
_

_" Hey there Juvia-chan!" He greeted with a wave of his hand as he took his usual seat on the left of me.  
_

_"Hi." Was all I bothered to say before turning to my beloved Gray-sama with a dreamy smile on my face.  
_

_"So, how was your weekend Juvia-chan?" Lyon asked, resting his chin on the palm of his hand which was propped up by the severely defaced desk.  
_

_I ignored him and instead focused my attention on the man of my affections, "Gray-sama," I spoke his name in a musical fashion as I had heard Lucy do so many times before she left, "Juvia would like to know...How was your weekend?"  
_

_"Fine." He answered, a melancholy expression taking over his handsome features.  
_

_"That's nice. Juvia didn't do much either. She spent her weekend trying to catch up with her maths assignment. Juvia doesn't understand coordinate geometry at all!" I complained, although he didn't seem to really care.  
_

_Gray had been so very distant since Lucy moved away, it frustrated me that he was still hung up on my love rival.  
_

_"I can teach you coordinate geometry Juvia-chan! It's really quite easy once you get the hang of it." Lyon butted in, making my eye twitch a little in irritation.  
_

_"Not now Lyon, Juvia is trying to have a conversation with Gray-sama." I waved off the silver haired boy rudely, uncaring that he looked rather upset because of my comment.  
_

_"Juvia was wondering...Has Gray-sama heard anything from Lucy-san yet?" I asked, despite the fact that I really couldn't care less about the blonde. I knew it would get the raven talking.  
_

_His cobalt eyes finally slid away from the window to focus their attention on me, "No. Not a thing." It wasn't much but I was just happy that he had made eye contact with me.  
_

_And it was at this moment that Lyon decided to barge in and drop a bombshell on us, "I heard that she was involved in a car accident." The silver haired boy stated, instantly capturing our attention.  
_

_"What?!" My eyes went wide, unable to comprehend the information that had just been shoved in my face.  
_

_Hearing such a thing automatically made me regret all the times I was rude to the blonde, all the times I refused to hang out with her just because I was so utterly obsessed with Gray-sama, all the times she had been so perfectly nice to me but I just gave her the cold shoulder.  
_

_"Lucy was..." Gray swallowed harshly, "In a car accident."  
_

_Lyon nodded his silver head in reply.  
_

_"Tell me more! I need to know what happened!" Gray demanded, slamming his hands down on his desk and gaining the attention of the entire class.  
_

_"Mr Fullbuster," The teacher wrinkled her nose at him, "Would you mind? I'm trying to teach here."  
_

_"Oh... Sorry ma'am, it won't happen again." Gray ducked his head in embarrassment.  
_

_"It better not!" The teacher scowled before turning back to write more notes on the board.  
_

_"So what happened to her?" The raven whispered, care this time not to make a scene this time.  
_

_"You remember Cana, right? Her cousin?" Lyon whispered back just as quietly.  
_

_Gray and I nodded in sync as a response.  
_

_"Well she was taking Lucy, Lisanna, Gajeel and Levy on a trip to the city to visit an old friend on theirs. They were driving and having fun and Cana must have taken her eyes off the road for a split second and then... BAM! They crashed into a pole at the beginning of a bridge." Lyon explained, looking slightly uncomfortable with Gray and I both staring at him with wide eyes.  
_

_"Are they ok?" I asked curiously.  
_

_"I'm not sure. That's all I know."  
_

_"WHAT?!" Gray shouted, once again capturing the focus of the entire classroom, "I've gotta go. I have to know if Lucy's ok."  
_

_And with that, the dark haired teen ran off, leaving a stunned classroom and a furious teacher in his wake.  
_

_And it was at that point in time that I realised my precious Gray-sama would never love me. He was too caught up in his affections towards Lucy to even consider anyone, let alone me, as anything more than a friend. He was in love with Lucy and there wasn't a chance of him ever coming to love another person.  
_

_I had to give up and stop chasing after him._

* * *

I used to think that my love for Gray was bulletproof. There was absolutely nothing that could break my adoration for him. But as time went on, Gray grew more and more distant from me and a lot more attached to Lucy. I wanted to fight for the spark we once shared, thinking that if I cared enough, maybe he'd come back to me.

But that day, when Lyon announced Lucy and some of our friends had been involved in a car crash and Gray ran out of the room shouting that he had to know if Lucy was ok. That was the day I realised that even when the love you share with someone is bulletproof, if they were to turn around and shoot you, that love can be shattered.

Of course that was all metaphorical. Gray would never actually shoot me but I think it's a poetic way to view what happened between us.

The two of us grew close and formed a love that I had deemed bulletproof. But when Gray met Lucy and began to draw away from me so he could spend more time with her, it was as if he had turned around and shot my heart right out of my chest.

Seeing that he loved her more than he could ever love me was utterly painful. So painful I chose to repress such feelings and continue on pursuing the affection that I desired.

It took the car accident and a very special person to make me realise that.

When I decided to stop chasing after Gray, I began to notice the world around me for the first time in a long time.

I began to notice Lyon.

The way the light caught his silver hair, how his dark eyes seemed to sparkle as he fought his way through the winter snow to catch up with me. I noticed his kind words and sweet compliments and they made me blush with both embarrassment and happiness.

I liked how he treated me and I regret that it took me so long to notice just how wonderful of a person he is.

He must have noticed the change in my attitude as well because he began crossing lines he never had before. He asked me out on dates, took me to meet the daughter of their previous guardian who was now taking care of both him and Gray in the place of her mother. He told me things, secrets he had never told anyone and I did the same with him.

Then, one night he took me to a fair being held in one of the neighbouring towns.

We rode the Ferris wheel together and when our carriage paused at the very top of the wheel, he placed a hand on my cheek and smiled gently at me as he gazed into my eyes with adoration.

Then he pressed his lips against mine, softly, allowing our mouths to mould together. It was then that he confessed to me, telling me how much he cared for me and wanted to be with me.

* * *

_"I know you might still have feelings for Gray but I want you to know that I'll wait as long as it takes. I keep waiting until the day comes when you want to be with me."_

I blushed and smiled shyly, bringing my hands up to pull his face back down towards mine so we could kiss once more.

When we finally broke apart I whispered to him, _"I don't want to wait any longer."_

And that was all it took.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close until the ride was over. And even once we had left the carriage I allowed him to hold my hand all night long.

We met up with our friends a few minutes later, to where we were greeted with shouts of both surprise and joy. They were all so happy for us.

It was at this time that I looked over at Gray.

_My eyes wandered towards the man I used to harbour such intense affection for, unsure what I would find in those cobalt orbs of his.  
_

_As our eyes met, I saw a deep sadness appear on his features.  
_

_At first I thought that he was disappointed that he had lost me to his brother but I quickly dismissed it as I knew it was selfish and arrogant of me to think that way.  
_

_I then realised that he wasn't sad because Lyon and I were together, but because he was unable to be with the girl he loved.  
_

_Lucy.  
_

_He must miss her so much. She was taken away so suddenly and not one of us saw it coming. But Gray was the one who loved her the most so no doubt he misses her so much more than we do.  
_

_And unlike the majority of our friends, he hasn't been able to keep in contact with her. Cana, Levy, Lisanna and Gajeel were with her just last week when the car accident occurred. I know that Laxus and Sherry went to see her about a month ago. But Lucy apparently told them not to tell Gray where she was staying.  
_

_Maybe she didn't want to see him because she knew that once he left the two of them would end up heartbroken all over again.  
_

_Despite his sadness, Gray still met my eyes head on and smiled at me. He was actually happy for his brother and I and that made me glad.  
_

_Everything seemed like it was going to work out. Maybe it was worth all this pain._

* * *

Looking back now, I couldn't believe I had been so incredibly selfish. But if it wasn't for Lyon, I would still be a miserable, selfish brat chasing after the wrong guy.

I'm glad that things have changed.

* * *

**There we go, second chapter done! Thinking the net chapter will be about Cana and her turmoil as she deals with the guilt of Lucy's memory loss. :)**

**- Wonder-chan / LW**


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